He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
