The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
