Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
