My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
