shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
