when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
