Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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