when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
