the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
