Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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