i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
