Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
