im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
