I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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