i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize