So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
