that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
