Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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