She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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