I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
