Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize