Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
