you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Rumble strips road head = magical
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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