I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
