having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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