ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
