I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
