I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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