omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
