Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
