I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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