3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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