But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
