Just fell off a train. Bad.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Text me some of your sweat
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
