I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
