I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize