dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Ambien. No doubt about it.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
