So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
