nut hugger
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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