i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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