U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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