three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
this hospital has no fireball
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
