The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
