...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
