I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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