Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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