It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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