I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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