i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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