what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
