Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Do you still have your period?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
