I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
