i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize