i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
