But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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