Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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