Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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