How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
