We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
