benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
