You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
