I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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