imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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