Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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