So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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