I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
