i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
