and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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