Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
