how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
