I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
