On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
