the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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