My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
