literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
