There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
