before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
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